Yesterday, whilst crossing a city street, I slipped on its untreated amalgam of ice and snow, and though I survived relatively unscathed, my laptop did not. Its screen now resembles a test pattern designed by a spider on scopolamine, except for about two inches at the top where I can see the desktop. On the bright side, it appears functional--I even opened Firefox by guessing where the icon was--but unusable.
All of that means I am consigned to using either the ancient office eMacs, which are thankfully being replaced with newer models, or the giant screen iMac at home...in the living room...with daughters underfoot and insane wife popping up like Hamlet's ghost to proclaim: "Snooch most foul!" Hardly conducive to NSFW composition.
So it will be guerrilla posting for now, which may result in abbreviated carsetage on Friday.
However, because I am a magnanimous Internet God, I will brave the beady-eyed office beehives to atone for this morning's lapse...with a twofer, the Howe sisters:
I'll swap it out for an embiggenifiable one when the coast is clear. Because #ThisIsSoylent!
13 comments:
"......Its screen now resembles a test pattern designed by a spider on scopolamine....."
Scopolamine?
LSD I could understand, but scopolamine? I don't get it.
You should write more often. I like it. Reminds me of me - replete with the proclivity for shite alliteration and fuck-off meaningless sesquipedalia to impress morons like critter and the odd Anonymous cunt or two.
The CPU of the computer on which I am pixellating this died once. The Tutor connected the Cathode Ray Tube of this computer to a smashed-screen laptop no doubt similar to yours. Worked a treat it did.
Alliteration is the Armagnac of the adverbially afflicted. In short, metaphor matters, or metaphors matter, or...oh yeah, and there's nothing wrong with LSD. See?
And, yes I had thought of slaving another screen to pixilated PC. I may just steal a screen from one of the two junk laptops daughter #2 modified to death.
Have you considered finding a couple of virgins at your local comic book store and chucking them into a volcano to appease the techgods? I find human sacrifice to be an effective solution to most problems.
".....In short, metaphor matters, or metaphors matter, or...oh yeah, and there's nothing wrong with LSD......"
I'm partial to the simile myself. Like, as if!
".....I had thought of slaving another screen to pixilated PC....."
Nice play on the pixellation versus pixillation pun. Ummmmmmmm....ermmmmm....that was purposeful, right?
Many of your commenters pixellate pixillations.
I am distraught at yor downfall ,however, your screen was sacrificed for a worthy cause if it
spared the snoochmeister permanent disability. Your perseverance in the face of adversity is inspiring.
...nay ,fair lady : tissnooch most fair !
Eric, the reason there are no volcanoes in Ohio is--no virgins to sacrifice. I am in PA, but close enough.
ALTC--I have been pixilated for years.
Did someone mention LSD?
Oh, mescaline. Well, that's different.
LSD, I think. Though it could have been LDS. The difference being, the latter(1) is sure to give you a bad trip ALL THE FUCKING TIME!
(1) "latter" Ha! Geddit?
I must admit though, the LDS folks tolerate my answering-the-door question, "This jesus christ person, being an anatomically correct male and all, do you think he masturbated? And if so, did he use Olive Oil or Myrrh as a lubricant?" better than the Watchtower folks.
I've just spoken to The Tutor and he has the following to say about LSD. Granted, it's gibberish to me, but he assures me you cunts will understand.
"Ahhhhhh, acid. Happy were the days and nights sitting in the basement under the glow of black-light posters of Hendrix, Zappa and The Dead writing our names in the air with lit cigarettes. Green Toad blotter, Orange Double-barrel and Widow-pane at 2 bucks a hit."
Must be getting early, clocks are running late.
Paint by numbers morning sky, looks so phony.
Dawn is breaking everywhere, light a candle, curse the glare
Draw the curtains I don't care 'cause it's alright
I will get by, I will get by, I will get by, I will survive.
Ah, I understand the laptop difficulties as I too suffered technical hiccups ( though no spill on the asphalt) recently which made perusal of plentiful poon a real pain in the posterior. Here's to your swift return as snoochmeister emeritus, newly equipped for battle, upon St. Crispin's Day!
Well fuck me from behind with first, Branagh's and quickly followed by Olivier's, cod piece, but has the critter done done a Shakespeare reference?
And gentlemen in England now-a-bed
Shall think themselves accurs’d they were not here,
And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks
That witnessed critter do this quote about Saint Crispin’s day.
Are there no free-ranging displays at the Soylent Castle you could connect to the laptop?
mmmm...scopolamine!
Good Lord! Man up and tell the little snooters to un-ass the room and post the goodies! If not for thee where would we be?
Now was that Shakespearean enough for you? Get back to it Man! Get back to it.
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