Danke

Well, all I can tell you about this...

is that most of it came from das vaterland.

Wonder what they were looking for. Maybe Juliane...?

(Click to embiggenify.)

Yeah, she can be Linky Love for these guys from the previous post. Because #Science!!!

They're Baaaaaack

Twice is a coincidence? Fuck the feds.

Siberian Anomaly

Last night, which for some unfathomable Blogspot reasoning counts as today, I had an unprecedented burst of attention:

 It changed the hourly visitation scale to one I haven't seen since my days at TheSiteThatShallNotBeNamed...

It also left me with a great Hockey Stick...

Should I call Michael Mann?

Soylent Blogasm: The "New" New Comment Widget

Yeah, I know...about fucking time. So I finally got tired of waiting for this #ShitholeGooglePlatform to fix its standard, WorhtlessPieceOfShit comment widget and went out and found one that works. Now I can see if anyone is paying attention to our collective minion mutterings at a glace. Perhaps...dare I say it...maybe an occasional thread will develop.
I know, I know. It's a lot to ask, but faint heart never screwed the upstairs maid. So, have at it my minions--someone's got to move Flaxen's visage out of the queue. Here's a possible topic for discussion...

One Million Exiles Flock To Soylent Siberia

Pftweeeet!!! Soylent Siberia has hit the 1,000,000 Minion Plateau in less than a year. Pftweeeet!!!
Thank you. Good work all.
Yes, it seem like only yesterday that I was banished from the Soylent Empire I had labored four years to build on the bones of dead Supers...

Ah, I miss the last bastion of the old empire...the full header, the color, the functionality, and access to the colonies like NSKMD above. All gone because someone didn't like what I had to say.
But no matter. Even with the stone knives and bear skins of this Blogger platform, here in the HyperHinterland I shall continue build my Soylent army. And soon my minions, soon, we shall reclaim our rightful glory! We shall drive our enemies before us! Rape! Pillage! Plunder! Burn!
And render them into tasty biscuits for the unsuspecting masses at a substantial profit. So we can have more of this...

and this...

And this...

and this...

and these...

What say you?!?

Then fly my minions, and multiply. And together we will rule this hyperverse!

As I Was Saying...

Some of you may have noticed today's Hawtness did not get posted until around 6 a.m. And that's six hours too fucking late for my inveterate snoochers from time zones afar who, though fewer in number, rely on punctuality in their poon post perusal. Well, for the foreseeable future, such lapses may the norm--due, as they used to say, to technical difficulties beyond our control.
Yesterday, whilst crossing a city street, I slipped on its untreated amalgam of ice and snow, and though I survived relatively unscathed, my laptop did not. Its screen now resembles a test pattern designed by a spider on scopolamine, except for about two inches at the top where I can see the desktop. On the bright side, it appears functional--I even opened Firefox by guessing where the icon was--but unusable.
All of that means I am consigned to using either the ancient office eMacs, which are thankfully being replaced with newer models, or the giant screen iMac at home...in the living room...with daughters underfoot and insane wife popping up like Hamlet's ghost to proclaim: "Snooch most foul!" Hardly conducive to NSFW composition.
So it will be guerrilla posting for now, which may result in abbreviated carsetage on Friday.
However, because I am a magnanimous Internet God, I will brave the beady-eyed office beehives to atone for this morning's lapse...with a twofer, the Howe sisters:

I'll swap it out for an embiggenifiable one when the coast is clear. Because #ThisIsSoylent!

And The Hyperverse Wept...

James Delingpole has ended his blog at the Telegraph.

"Today is the day when I must bid you all farewell. I have been appointed Chief Sustainability Consultant at the Department of Energy and Climate Change, working directly to one of my all-time heroes Ed Davey, with a juicy, taxpayer-funded salary, a ring-fenced pension and a bio-fuel-powered Aston-Martin just like the Prince of Wales's"

Yeah, he's off to pastures new, wish I was. Go give him a proper "Well Done!"
And then go read his latest piece for The Spectator on Mark Steyn and  the Michael Mann lawsuit.

Blogasm: Two Steps Forward, One Large Step Back

Some of you may have noticed two new additions to the blogroll--The Union News and Doubting Is Thinking. 
DIT is a fairly new site and looks highly promising. I highly recommend the author's takedown of Tesla's solar battery charging claims, further proof that Liberals and Ecotards (but I repeat myself) either can't, or demand that you don't, do math.
The Union News, on the other hand, assumes you already know Liberals and Ecotards can't do math--or anything else, except damage. Supreme Snarkage and Mockery, I should have known of it long before.
Sadly, I must also report that one of the greatest sites I have linked over the years is no more. That Hawaiian Host Of Hilarity and Sage Of Snooch, Sushi Bandit has exited the hyperverse. At what point this occurred, I do not know. Hopefully, he has not shuffled off this mortal coil and will return. The disappearance of his huge archive of awesome is a loss to humanity.
He would probably approve of this latest Linky Love contender, which I stole from Hookers & Booze:

On Hyperverse Hyperbole Approaching the Schwarzschild Radius With Tiffany Fallon And Cameltoe Awesome

Yesterday, I received my first indication the the SS&S Modus* was taking a foothold here on this bullshit Blogger platform. What was that, you may ask? Snoochers from the aether looking for this put it in the Fevered Five for the week...and it's from seven months ago!
I, of course, thanked these mystery minions in the comments, but that hardly seemed sufficient, so, before I continue, here's an encore from the same set...

You can embiggenify that too, but I digress.
Anyway, the blogging from snatch scratch means there is no backlog of awesome to keep up the daily tally of traffic. The four years of awesome *Science, Snark and Snooch at the SiteThatWillNotBeNamed assured me daily tallies--toward the end--ranging from average of 6,000 to (thanks to Catalina Robayo) more than 30,000. This is the first indication that Siberia is building such a compendium, and would further confirm the results achieved by the Sage McGoo's experimental deletion of his snooch backlog and its effect on blog traffic--only in reverse.
So, as you can see, I have a firm grasp of the obvious. I'd rather grasp this...

Thanks again, to my mystery backlog minions, and to Tiffany too.
Oh yes, it embiggenifies nicely.

And the Prize for the 2,400th Comment Goes To...

DV, as it should, for his comment on yesterday's El Fuego Fur. Dan in Van is not just Soylent Siberia's most prolific Canukistani commenter, with the possible exception of Eric, he probably this pissant blog's most reliable comment minion overall, although Stacy, Irish and Kenny remain tops in terms of traffic pimpage. But I digress. Here's your Prize DV...

You've earned it. ;-)

Your Daily Wisdom

From the comments at Kenny's. Definitely camteltoe worthy...

Okay, Riddle Me This CodeMonkey Crusader...

Look at the pageview numbers. Curiouser....

Now, the overview for the same 24-hour period. And curiouser...

So, did I have more than 3,000 pageviews since yesterday afternoon--because that list of countries continues for a bit--or did I have a mere 2,061?

You know what this means, don't you...? Major Kong? Major Kong?

This Blogger Platform Sucks # 7,239

Okay, where was I? Oh yeah...

Yes, Drew, I knew the AYFKM and Fuck The Feds reaction selections were cut off under the posts. I've moved them around and it makes no difference. I guess the ability to size that box is a premium feature--like sizing YouLube videos. Fuck That!
Now, what I was originally going to rant about: photo storage. The AssclownBloggerCodeMonkeys have "improved" the system.
When I first moved over here, I was chagrined to see I couldn't label or date photos, and neither did the system. But at least they were in there from oldest to newest and if I hovered over them, I could read the file name. So, if I did put a particular snoochette's name on a pic, it wasn't left entirely to my sieve-like memory.
But now, thanks to the sage tinkering of the AssclownBloggerCodeMonkeys, neither of those things is true. The Complaint Department babe with the mini-gun I added last week? Her pic at the top of the pile with stuff from 3-4 months ago. Fortunately, this seems to only occur with single uploads. Bevies of several babes uploaded at the same time seem to stay together and on the bottom (newer) tier--so far. But that really doesn't help when I Can't Read The File Names Anymore!

Now, when I hover over a pic--labeled or not--the file name never materializes. I just get a check mark..in a circle..apparently to let me know I'm special, because I am dexterous enough to strategically move a mouse scant centimeters from one file to another. Oh yeah, the hovering never worked in the editor or preview modes either--still doesn't. Genius.

So, if you scan the labels of a babe pic and don't see a name, it means I had to wait until it was posted to see who she was. Of course, if it's an unembiggenifiable Tumblr Tasty, you're usually SOL anyway.
And now, Agent Coulson with a poem for the AssclownBloggerCodeMonkeys...

Just Because It's A Round Number...

Woo Hoo, I guess. Speaking of round numbers, how about 2...

I Am Immortal

I was part of Irish's snooch, booze and Rock & Roll Friday night. Good to know.

That Reminds Me...

The ignominious deaths depicted in my recent Theremageddon Refugee Fatality post reminded me of a great book from the halcyon days of The People's Almanac and other compilations of odd facts: Best, Worst and Most Unusual. A sampling:

The Worst Politician--Sen. William Scott, R-Va., who famously said during an appropriations hearing, "The only reason we have zip codes is because niggers can't read."

The Worst Pope--John XII, who turned the Vatican into a brothel and was later murdered by the husband of one of his mistresses.

The Best, Worst and Most Unusual Comedian were all the same guy--Henny Youngman.
Now why did my post reminded me of this Tome of Awesome? Suicides...

The Most Unusual Suicide--A young fellow protesting man's inhumanity to man, as they were wont to do in the late 1960s and early 1970s, decided to immolate himself. Shortly after ignition, however, he decided this was a bad idea. He began frantically rolling on the ground to put out the flames--and rolled off a cliff.

The Worst Suicide is also The Best--because it failed, twice: An elderly couple, health issues increasing, decided it would be best if they just ended it all. So the husband retrieves his World War I service pistol to perform the deed. He fires at his wife's head, but the weapon and ammunition were so old that the bullet bounced off one of her hair curlers and only knocked her unconscious. He holds the gun to his head and fires, but to his chagrin, he has to haul himself down to the emergency room to have the round pried from his ear.

There was actually a sequel called More Of The Best Worst Most Unusual, but I never bought it. I mean, how can something be more best? That would be most unusual.

Awesome, A Contest I Could Actually Win

Found this via Bad Blue this a.m. at another site I forgot to put in the blogroll after the move: the Most Influential Blog In The History Of The Hyperverse...or something.

But how can I, with perhaps the most storied record of code monkey assfuckery in hyperverse history, actually win...? Easy, there's no voting! Of course there is a minor possible snag--one of you will have to nominate me.
Even though there is no voting, there are some rules--which seems like a non sequitur, but I'll play along. They are:

1. Display the award;
2. Link back to your nominator;
3. Answer seven questions concocted by your nominator;
4. Nominate other blog(s) and link them and,
5. Tell them you've nominated them.
Okay, 1--duh. 2--duh. 3--pending. 4--okay:

The Feral Irishman
The Lonely libertarian
Proof Positive
Visual Consumer
The Gormogons
Real Science
Knuckledraggin'
Aggie Sith
5--hmm, *devilish grin crawls over face.* Oh, alright. You know what? Fuck #3....

Soylent, what motivates you to blog?
Revenge, to crush my enemies, to see them driven before me, and to hear lamentations of their women.
Soylent, how do you come up with ideas?
Drugs...and lots of alcohol. I pretty much need them just to read the news these days. So, I have the proper perspective.
Greatest Achievement?
When McGoo, Harbqll, the Glorious Lemur King and I engineered the cancellation of the 2010 Web Log awards by getting RealClimate nominated as Best Religious Blog. I'll never beat that, although getting linked by Jerry Pournelle was pretty cool.
Appetizer? Whisky.
Salad? Whisky.
Main Course? Uh...a whisky.
And for dessert? I'll have a whisky.

And for the rest of you....Linky Love Chain Bra Awesome!!!

You might want to embiggenify that. See you on the victory podium.

Seven Lousy Snooches...A Rant

Well, I almost ended my fourth month at the new digs with a 4,000-hit day. But no...3,993 was the best I could do. Not bad I guess, but a far cry from the near five-figure days of yore. Seven lousy snooches...and it's your fault:

Yeah you, the hookah huffing haole from Hilo. WTF? Your connection time out while you ran out for some Primo? Put down the pipe, and get back to the snooch so the blood can start flowing to your brain.

 And You! Yeah, you, the slit-skirted strumpet from Singapore who'd rather be munching carpet. Shiv that pimp motherfucker and get back online.

Oh, and you cubicle cuckholds in Calgary--fuck your boss! Mandatory snooch breaks. I smell a sexual harassment lawsuit making your lives a lot better. Then again, that could be tuna. But I digress.

Yeah, and you NSA nosepickers? You've got quotas, right? Set the shit to auto-snooch and choke those chickens. This is as close you're ever going to get anyway.

So get your shit together...I'm watching you.

250,000 Minions Visit Siberia

Woo Hoo!

A far cry from 4 million, but then it's only been 4 months in exile. Thank you all.

Woo Hoo--Quoted Over At Theo's

From here.
Nice to be appreciated. Embiggen if need be.