Monday, April 8, 2013

Attack Of The Crab Monsters!!!

That was one of my favorite movies as a lad because it had Russell Johnson--the professor from Gilligan's Island--in it. But other than reminding me of Tina Louise, it was pretty bad.

But apparently the Thermageddon Mongers thought it was a scary enough idea to blame on GlobalWarming©. I guess bird flu, plague and zombie apocalypse didn't cut it with the focus group.
So enter a willing Journolist accomplice to spew out this prose...
At UNC, marine geologists are analyzing video of the slaughter that took place when they put mud crabs and oysters in tanks they intentionally polluted with carbon over three months for a 2011 study. It was like watching lions tear apart lambs
The crabs scurried from their side of the tanks, banged on the shells of the traumatized oysters, pried them open with a claw in a way similar to what humans do with a knife at restaurants and gobbled them down. (Emphasis mine.)
And you could be next!!!


Unless you agree (or not) to live in fuel poverty, freezing in the dark eating only Soylent Green--we're doomed.

UPDATE--Elevated from the comments for Awesome: 
Chris said...
Crabs eating oysters? Crabs eat oysters. Crab be a oyster eatin' mutha fukka! Crab eat oyster in the mud, ya think salt water is an impediment?

Oysters traumatized cause some dumbass threw 'em in with the crabs!

CRABS EAT OYSTERS!!!
Now gimme money!

10 comments:

Eric Praline said...

Temperature increases do indeed cause infestations of vicious, killer crabs. Just ask anyone who's been to Florida on spring break.

Soylent Sage said...

Well, that kind of depends on who your dance partner is, doesn't it Eric?
I was in college down there in the 70s, and more than one of those babes shakin' it to Lynyrd Skynyrd on Daytona Beach had fleas the size of palmetto bugs.

But then part of the fun is being able to tell that kind of story years later...well after the itching subsides.

Anonymous said...

I've long had a phobia about crabs...
;)

-DaninVan

Chris said...

Crabs eating oysters? Crabs eat oysters. Crab be a oyster eatin' mutha fukka! Crab eat oyster in the mud, ya think salt water is an impediment?

Oysters traumatized cause some dumbass threw 'em in with the crabs!

CRABS EAT OYSTERS!!!

Now gimme money!

Rickvid in the Yakima Valley said...

Hey, a big ol' steaming pot and some Old Bay woulda put the fear into them monster crabs, alright.

Critter said...

so, now they're well fed crabs? yes?

Anonymous said...

Critter, at the top of the food chain! :)

B.C. said...

Sounds like somebody was tryin' to make jambalaya and they're just pissed that the fuckin' crabs ate all the oysters before they got the water up to a boil. Fuckin' idjitz. Everybody knows (Well, at least the "97% consensus" of cooks who know what the fuck they're doing.) that you're supposed to boil the water BEFORE you dump the seafood in.

No wonder they're Climate Catastrophe Clownshoes--- They're too fuckin' stoopid to be short-order cooks.

Anonymous said...

Beautiful.... I always wondered what those pinching things were for. Poor, poor oysters. That was so bad their mammas are traumatized!!!

Steamboat McGoo said...

Gawd - I actually remember that flick! It was shown late at night on Goulardi's Shock Theatre at about 1AM on Friday nights.

I was just a li'l tyke then - but loved horror movies.