Chris Mooney-bat: Thermageddon Causes Bean Balls

I shit you not. This moron is claiming !!!GlobalWarming!!! causes baseball violence. Oh, and regular violence too. Proof????...

Now that's some #MotherfuckingScience.

H/T Marc Morano

We Can't Find Flight 370 Because #Thermageddon

They really just can't see the stupid for the trees. Yes, Global Warming reveals its amazing powers once again.
I mean, the aliens who took that plane to the moon are laughing their asses off...at least, I think they have asses. Well, if not, Mother Jones obviously has plenty.
H/T The Daley Gator

When Is Fallingwater Not?

When it's awesome...

Of course, Obama "Science" Advisor John it's-okay-to-poison-the-water-supply Holdren said this is due to Global Warming. As this weather map clearly shows...

Lurch Vows To Win Global Warming Treaty

You mean with folks like Japan, John? You know, the country that already bowed out of renewing Kyoto?
Or how about Oz, where the Prime Minister's Business Advisory Council Chairman said--on the front page of the Australian three days ago:

From the UN on down, the climate change delusion is a gigantic money tree. It is a tyranny that, despite its pretensions, favours the rich and politically powerful at the expense of the poor and powerless. But the madness of the crowds is waning and, as Mackay writes of the perpetrators: 'Punishment is sure to overtake them sooner or later.' We can only hope it comes before most of us descend into serfdom.

Well, you can count on the Saudis, and Putin of course--though he bailed on Kyoto too. They'll be happy to help your plans to hobble the American Dynamo even further. Oh, and don't forget the Maldives--they need those airports so the country won't sink into the sea because of !!!GlobalWarming!!!.

Well, Weasel Zippers did make a good point: "He's less likely to muck things up while he's preoccupied fighting a problem that doesn't exist."

Icebound AGW Ecotard Mockfest

These are the two best I've seen, courtesy of WUWT and Tim Blair, respectively.

AGW AssClown(s) Of The Week

I thought the flying birdshredders idea was the Parnassus of Thermageddon Monger idiocy--I stand corrected. In their never-ending campaign to convince the underinformed that Carbon Crucifixes are actually a viable alternative to fossil fuel-generated electricity, "scientists" have assigned them a new benefit--saving us from (AGW-created, of course) Hurricanes. Drink in teh stupid...

 "if it was feasible to build tens of thousands of wind power turbines off the shores of some of America’s cities most vulnerable to extreme weather, those cities would see lower wind speeds and less severe storm surges from approaching hurricanes."

 Well, as to that, if it were feasible, I'd have a 12-inch trouser snake and would shit 24-carat solid gold. And even if Santa Claus could grant this 70,000-windturbine wish--because #UnicornFarts--it, sadly, wouldn't generate the .3 TW the models project. The problem is...wind...

Not anywhere near hurricane-force wind, either. But hey, I can imagine something too--Imagine the wondrous benefits of toxic rare-earth metals from 70,000 birshredders washed into a major city by a category 5 tidal surge.
*You may say I'm a dreamer, but it's...*

H/T AOSHQ Sidebar

#Occupy The Planet...Coming To A Burg Near You

Remember a couple of weeks ago when I posted that Church of Carbon Come High Priest "Weepy" Bill McKibben was coming to town to hobnob with the local Communists at the Thomas Merton Center? Well, Imagine my glee when I learned that an entire entourage of Ecotards Extraordinaire will be joining Bill for a little thing I like to call:

#OCCUPY THE PLANET

Okay, there won't be 10,000 of them...and "youth leaders???" Obviously, because nothing says leadership like following the Anti-Whatever-It-Is-Today convoy around the country because Soros or the Tides Foundation pays the piper. They're kind of like Deadheads...but with way shittier music:

Don't you love the girl wearing the Butterfly McQueen do wrap. I think it definitely gives her the cred to sing about Energy Company Oppression and AGW Reparations, because #slavery. And dude, what's with the 1966 Beatles haircut? Anyway, I'm sure they will incite the masses to action for !!!Climate Justice!!!, especially after they get riled up by Gasland schlockumentarian Josh Fox. Yes, he's coming too. Isn't it awesome?
And when these professional protest lemmings arrive, they will descend upon the David L. Lawrence Convention Center, which the city's next mayor, Green-Grafter Bill Peduto, will certainly point out, is the only such structure in the US that's LEED certified, because it uses natural light and recycled materials--the cooling system...not so much.

The (Sports and Exhibition) Authority board members today authorized a $207,798 contract with Trane US Inc. to recondition two of the chillers. They also ratified a $10,633 payment already made to Trane after it dismantled a third chiller and investigated the cause of its failure...the chillers are having problems because they are not operating at capacity, in part because a proposed hotel that was to be attached to the convention center was never built.

Hmm, an AC system that's three times as large as needed. That doesn't sound very Green. Yeah, but those recycled materials are making up for that. Oh, wait...

Ms. Conturo said none of the firms admitted liability in the collapse of a section of the loading dock floor on a frigid February day. No one was injured in the collapse, which caused the postponement and rescheduling of the Pittsburgh International Auto Show, a delay in the opening of the Pittsburgh Home and Garden Show, and relocation of other events.

Well, I'm sure the Climate Cabal is okay with cancelling an EvilCO2SpewingAutoShow. Cosmic justice. And the garden show? Well, it's because of plants that we have all this coal now.

Frack Heads Unite!

They'll be here for three days, unless of course they really do decide to #Occupy The Planet.

The Most Alarming Alarmist Alarmism For 2013

A few years back, our friend The Daily Bayonet ran a post featuring the Most Alarming Alarmisms Uttered By Alarmists during the previous year. Though he departed the hyperverse over a year ago, leaving us without his Weekly Global Warming Hoax Roundup--not to mention his Global Warming Hotties--his awesome should not be forgotten. So, given last week's release of the IPCC Summary For Policy Makers, it seems an appropriately timely time to revive his contest. The nominees are:

The Scotsman--Which printed this headline in July:
"A GLOBAL Warming Armageddon in which the oceans boil dry could theoretically happen on Earth, researchers claim"

Political Ghoul--Sheldon Whitehouse, D(ickwad)-RI, who waited a whole 5 MINUTES after an F4 Tornado leveled parts of Oklahoma City to blame Republicans for Global Warming:
"When cyclones tear up Oklahoma and hurricanes swap Alabama and wildfires scorch Texas, you come to us, the rest of the country, for billions of dollars to recover. And the damage that your polluters and deniers are doing doesn't just hit Oklahoma, Alabama and Texas."
  
Thermageddon Evangelist--Katherine Hayhoe, who in May, actually told the truth:
"As scientists, we're trained to just stick to the facts. With Climate Change, we can't do that anymore."

Former UK Thermageddon Hack--John Ashton, who told the MET Office in April that even if green house gasses had NO EFFECT on the atmosphere, they could still cause Thermageddon:
"The consequences of (CO2-driven) Climate Change could still be catastrophic even if climate sensitivity were zero." 

Vasectomy Guy--Eric Holthaus, late of the WSJ's weather page, who said he "broke down in tears" after reading the latest IPCC propaganda...and he'll probably get a vasectomy to prevent hurricanes.

Crying? There's no crying in science! Oh, wait. Yes there is, because what Most Alarming Alarmism fest would be complete without...

"Weepy" Bill Mckibben--Who though he's said a lot of idiotic things over the years, beclowned himself well enough in July to make WUWT's quote of the week with this:
"I, as you can tell, am the furthest thing from an activist leader. I'm a writer."

 

Granted, some of these are more alarming to the alarmists, and I didn't include reliable retards like AlGore because he says the same thing all the time. If you have an Alarmism I've neglected, stick it in the comments along with your vote for the best. Hey, I went off the board to win with Henry Waxman one year.

Oh wait. Did I say "Weepy Bill?" Why, yes. Yes I did...

Gotta Have a Global Warming Hottie, right?

Yeah, you can embiggenify that.

James Lovelock Genius: Global Warming Has Lowered The Climate Sensitivity To Global Warming

"The problem is that there's now all this junk going into the atmosphere from burning fuels so the sensitivity's no longer what it was."

Reached at his, now, 2nd-place spot in the Thermageddon Mongers Pantheon of Pathos, Kevin "The missing heat is hiding at the bottom of the ocean" Trenberth said: "It's a travesty."

H/T Tom Nelson

Obama's Model Economy Nationalizes The Sun

Yes, Spain, the nation that took Green Economic Collapse to unheard of heights--or depths--has outdone even itself. By "Royal Decree" it has nationalized the Sun--and will fine anyone collecting their own sunlight.
"If you get caught collecting photons of sunlight for your own use, you can be fined as much as 30 million euros...If you were thinking the best energy option was to buy some solar panels that were down 80% in price, you can forget about it."
Bwuhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. So, how's the Spanish solar industry taking this?
"Of all the possible scenarios, this is the worst," said Jose Donoso, president of the Spanish Photovoltaic Union.
Bwuhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.
Even better--it used to take 12 year to break even on a 2.4KW residential installation.* Now it will take 35 years.
Bwuhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

*Actually bullshit, because the panels don't last that long.

"Green Energy" Imbeciles Promote Dumbest Idea Yet: Flying Wind Turbines

I can just see these be-sandaled, pencil-necked, Thermageddon Gravy-Trainers musing by the pool-side bar at a tax payer-funded Global Warming junket, "Ya know, we need an even more wasteful way to kill more endangered birds."
Well the wait is over. Introducing the Flying Birdshredder!

Brilliant. The ones on the ground fly apart in high winds as it is. Yeah, lets put a bunch of potential scimitars up where the wind blows even harder. What could possibly go wrong?

And if you didn't think this idea was evil enough already, guess who just bought a company that thought up this FAIL.

Beavers Saving The Planet From Thermageddon

See?!? And you thought I was just fooling around. H/T Real Science

Warmers Pummeled In Senate, Hilarity Ensues

Check out these tweets from JunkScience, compiled by Tom Nelson.
You'll laugh like an endangered seal. Bwuhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

My Summation Of AGW In Advance Of God/King Obama's Edict On His Power To Change The Weather

Climate Scientists say arsenic will cure cancer.

Politicians want to tell voters they will cure their cancer.

Obamandias will force us to take the arsenic. 

FUCK YOU, YOU WASTE OF OXYGEN!

One Sentence-Carbon Kleptocrat FAIL Twofer

I love a joke with two punchlines. Actually there's a third, but it's at the very end of the linked article. But let's just enjoy this opening sentence, shall we?

"A 98 percent drop in the value of official UN-backed carbon credits is pushing sellers of emission offsets into the voluntary market, where prices are as much as 30 times higher."

Bwuhahahahahaha. Only a government would continue trying to sell something that's lost 98 percent of its (entirely artificial) value. But enough about California.
Let's look at the second highlighted part; that means there are rich imbeciles out there--some running companies you may be invested in--who are willing to buy these worthless pieces of paper for as much as $8 per tonne, rather than 43-euro cents.
The voluntary carbon market--where Eco-tards throw money away to make themselves feel morally superior.
Bwuhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

Oh yeah, the third punchline? Look at the companies listed as clients of The CarbonNeutral Company...the obvious one is Tata Steel. Is there anyone connected with that company who has anything to do with pushing UN carbon credits...? Why, yes. Yes there is.

H/T Tom Nelson

Hooray: CO2 hits 400PPM--Ecotard Heads Explode

And The Thermageddon Assclown QOTW Winner Is...

Katherine Hayhoe, of Texas Tinfoil Tiara fame, for telling The Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists:

"As scientists, we're trained to just stick to the facts. With Climate Change, we can't do that anymore." 


Bwuhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

You can read more about the travesty of Thermageddon Mongers having to make shit up because the evidence doesn't support their pseudoscientific gravy train here.

AGW Assclown Of The Week and Thermageddon Monger QOTD

This is so stunningly stupid, John Ashton deserves to win both awards, especially when you consider that he said it in a speech to the MET office:

"The consequences of (CO2-driven) climate change could still be catastrophic if climate sensitivity were zero."

So, even if GHGs had no effect on the atmosphere, they could still cause thermageddon. Why would anyone say something this weapons-grade stupid to a room full of supposed weather experts? Well, it might have something to do with the fact that he was the UK Special Envoy For Climate Change until 2012. 
Apparently there aren't a lot of those cushy gigs around since some people noticed there has been no Global Warming in 16 years. Regardless, this is...

H?T Tom Nelson

Surprise: Another Scottish Wind Turbine Collapses Due To WIND

Yes, the Plover-Pureeing Carbon Crucifixes don't work when there's no wind, and when there's a lot, they crash to the ground--but they will still save the planet if we cover every square inch of arable land with them. This time in the Eco-FAIL occurred in Aberdeen.

It is The Scotsman's top story--knocking the custody fight over a sheep from the top of the page.

The landowner used a tractor with a digger attachment to collect the turbine blades on Wednesday. Neighbour Willie Mitchell, whose home overlooks Mr Anderson’s land, said: “It just goes to show how dangerous these things can be.

H/T Tallbloke via Tom Nelson

ICYMI, Denying AGW Dogma is !!!!RACIST!!!!

And in other news, Joe Romm is a total scumbag. Stooping to invoke Rev. Martin Luther King Jr., he writes:

The greater the moral crisis, the more his words apply. The greatest moral crisis of our time is the threat posed to billions —  and generations yet unborn — from unrestricted carbon pollution. Now more than ever, we are “tied in a single garment of destiny,” cloaked as a species in a protective climate that we are in the process of unraveling.

Romm is, without doubt, lower than whale shit.